An Angel Beside Me

I'm not one to sit around and watch PBS, aside from Sesame Street with Liberty on occasion. Yet tonight I was glad it was left on. It started out catching my mother's attention with her highly favored Celtic Thunder singers. It was an old Christmas program PBS was pushing. While beautiful, the Irish group isn't really my thing. 

Eventually it switched to another tenor singer and abandoned by any and all viewers, but the tv was left on. I should note this is a pet peeve of mine, when the TV is left on and no one is really watching it. 

Can't we turn it off if no one is even paying attention? My sister, simultaneously talking with a friend, claimed to be listening to it. So on it stayed. I didn't pay much attention and laid myself down on the sofa with a heated rice bag to relax and try not to think. Despite the long pauses in between performances to ask for donations with the alluring promise of a memorabilia mug in return, the music actually became nice and calming. 

What first caught my attention was the singer describing his next song, Caruso. He described a man who was dying and looking into the eyes of a woman he loved and thinking back over life wondering if it had all been a beautiful dream. I don't speak Italian, but I felt I understood the song because I could understand the feeling. Then I thought, OK, I need to find out who this singer is. Nathan Pacheco everybody. I looked it up on YouTube. 

And that's when I discovered the song that I really want to share: Don't Cry. With a title like that I figured it was gonna make me cry. That's a condition I've frequented often enough that I was going to give it a go. 

I didn't want my sister to notice I'd become interested in the singer from the PBS special I had just so recently complained about. I think my exact words were, "Who's this guy singing anyway?" So I turned the volume down way low on my phone and held it up to my ear to listen to what this song was all about. I'll have to swallow some more pride when she finds out I've already purchased his latest album. Thanks to Jared insisting we get Amazon Prime two years back, it will be here 
Wednesday. 

As I lay still listening to the words and the music, Instead of crying so began to feel added hope and peace rise within me. Every line seemed to hold a special meaning written just for me. I imagined the Savior speaking the words and telling me to hold on and take His hand... "...you've got the angels by your side." 

I just have to tell you... Last night as I was savoring every snuggle and rocking Libby in "our chair" getting ready for bed, she was mumbling and rubbing her eyes. We had already said "goodnight" to daddy- Jared's picture. I should say pictures. We wave and blow kisses to at least a dozen around the room before nie-nie time. As we rocked, Libby suddenly looked up and started waving and said Da Da. And kept waving. I asked her where daddy was. She usually points to one of the many pictures. But instead she pointed up to where she had waved, then waved one more time before going back to what she was doing before. And  I knew our angel Jared was beside us. The song seemed to being a confirmation to me of that experience, that so was being told Yes, he stands beside you. 

            Blessed Art a Thou Among Women

                          By Walter Rane

"...for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

D&C 84:88

And now as I share this the tears have come. But instead is sorrowful tears, they are grateful tears. I may not have the eye to see, but I am grateful for my sweet baby girl who does. I am grateful for God's spirit that whispers through a song  that what my eyes can't see my heart can know and feel. I know Jared is our angel and he's so often near. My husband is involved in raising our daughter, watching over and protecting us from harm, and adding his own strength to mine lifting me up when my knees are feeble and my hands hang down. He gives me encouragement to take the Savior's hand. I believe it is through the grace and Atonement of Christ, Jared is lent the power and enabled to be the angel that stands beside me. I know Jared is still existing in the sphere of paradise and while I can't yet see him, if I continue to follow Christ to the best of my ability I will one day be able to see the angel who stands beside us.