Starting...

I’m feeling inspired today. This feeling often comes and goes, but today, I’m really inspired. Inspired to write. Most people wouldn’t think of me as a writer. In fact, I wouldn’t call myself a writer either. I’m more of a mental writer, going through my day conversing with myself and composing what I suppose are great ideas and stories. So yes, I talk to myself. But at least I know better than to do it out loud. So what makes today any different than the last 10,329 days of my life? Perhaps it’s the fact that with the upcoming birth of our daughter I foresee time to actually write down all the things I see and think about. And it inspires me to start now. Or maybe the notion of not procrastinating is finally making sense in my brain. I think it could be that I discovered another soon to be mom who was doing just what I’ve been talking about, and actually writing! While scouring the internet for a great thank you gift, I eventually found my way to a blog post by another woman expecting her first baby and was so impressed by her daily journaling. Granted, this is what she does for a living and is a veteran blogger. Unlike her situation, inspiration often finds its way to me while I’m at a non-blogging-job generating purchase orders or verifying employee purchases. Not an ideal or even possible time to pick up a notebook and jot down my scrambled thoughts. So I’m sending an email to myself on my lunch break while I’ve caught hold of this inspiration and motivation before it gets away again.

I actually created this blog nearly a year ago. And there it sat. Empty. No posts. No pictures. I was so excited to finally join the band wagon of blogging wives and mothers but when the page was actually up, I ran out of steam. This happens with me and projects. I envision all the greatness I want something to be, but when it starts out small I’m unimpressed and abandon it. I recognize most blogs and projects all have a starting point and evolve over time, but I am not patient. Ask my husband. I want it to be all it can be now! So I didn’t blog. I talked about blogging. I thought of great blog post ideas. I even posted 

things on Pinterest that I’d try and then blog about. But I did nothing more than that. So here I am starting.

I’m also having to face my fear of becoming one of those bloggers who thinks everything they have to say is so important and so original. I’m not original and I definitely don’t categorize myself as clever. There will be typos and grammatical errors. Hopefully that makes me more relatable. I’m also very careful to keep most things private. I tend to keep things close to the vest. I’m always telling my husband everything is not for everyone. Anyone will tell you I tend to shy away from the social media scene. I don’t want to read your tweet about how at this very moment you are walking into Wal-Mart, and that now you’re in the dairy section, and now you’re deciding to buy chocolate milk. And you will probably have to call me to tell me you sent me a text asking if I’d read your message on Facebook. But this inspiration I’m feeling today is also making me feel courageous. So writing means I have to let go of that fear of sharing, at least to some degree. Everything still won’t be for everyone. But I have learned from my husband over our 2 ½ years of blissful marriage that opening up a little may one day help someone. Once I tell his story, which has become our story, that will make more sense. He's teaching me that while our experiences in life, though often deeply personal, can be and should be used to do good things in this world.

I’ll soon be a mom, and maybe this writing what I’m thinking will only last until our bundle of joy arrives. I know she’ll demand all of my time, which I’m ready and glad to give. But she’s also the primary reason I feel inspired to write. I had planned to keep a pregnancy journal from the beginning. Once I found out we were expecting, I searched and searched for the perfect journal to track my emotions of being anxious, excited, overwhelmed, and grateful. Often all at once. I couldn’t find one I liked, so I didn’t write. Then I thought I’d start once I knew if we were having a boy or girl, and the search for the perfect mint green or pink notebook began again. No luck. I still didn’t write. Some of you might think how silly it is to not journal simply because I didn’t have the perfect notebook. You don’t know me well enough yet. I have an extensive collection of notebooks and stationary, all waiting for just the right occasion. So being pregnant was a big occasion that required the most amazing notebook of all. And here I am, 8 weeks left until our EDD, and no record of all the excitement and joy I’ve felt during this pregnancy. Pretty soon it will be too late and the thought that I’d have nothing to show for these long 9 months was so sad to me! I think I’ve only taken about 5 pictures. New camera is on the to-get-list before the baby arrives.

So here goes. Like I said, I’m starting.