We welcomed our beautiful daughter into our family during the wee hours on July 31, and she immediately became my whole world. Liberty Eden takes after me in the punctuality field, being 6 days late from her EDD. I was beginning to feel like she'd never arrive! I was really starting to get discouraged waiting yet another day for the signs of labor. Each day dragged on as family would call or text to check in, always getting the same answer, "No news." I was really anxious to meet my daughter since I felt like we'd been cultivating a relationship for so long already.
Throughout my entire pregnancy I was constantly in awe at the little miracle growing inside me, as I'm sure all mothers to be can relate. When I was first pregnant, it was a little strange as my mind kept playing scenes from alien sci-fi movies Jared loves to make me watch. You know, the ones where aliens come bursting out of peoples bodies where they've been incubating and invade Earth. Yes, those were my thoughts. Needless to say I was a little freaked out when the time for labor finally arrived.
I woke up that day feeling pretty crummy, more like I had food poisoning. And that's how I'd describe labor, cramps and food poisoning. Something for you future mommies to look forward to. My doctor had scheduled for me to be induced the very next day, and it was seeming more and more like that was inevitable. After a short nap, my water broke, only, I didn't really know that's what was happening. Of course I called my sister right away to get her opinion and advice. She had just given birth to her third child and by all accounts was an expert in my eyes. I told Jared I thought I was in labor but that I wanted to "get ready" first. So he napped while I did my makeup and hair! I spoke to the doctor on call and next thing you know we were on our way to the hospital. We got into a room right away and things went pretty quick from there.
The anesthesiologist was great. So great in fact that my husband later told me that I apparently blabbed on about how he was my new best friend and that we should make friendship bracelets. I do remember saying something to that effect, but also thinking that is was a perfectly normal thing to say to someone who just took all my pain away. My husband on the other hand was rather embarrassed and tried to get me to shut-up.
Needless to say, the epidural was fantastic. I didn't mind that my legs kept flopping off the bed and my husband had to keep putting them back, because the food poisoning feeling was gone and we were on our way to meeting our little baby! My doctor was unable to make it to the hospital, but the doctor on call turned out to be the same doctor who had delivered 3 of my nephews. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else other than my own OB, so it was a blessing to have someone who we already knew. Turns out that extra week in the oven made my little bun extra big. It was just a few minutes under 3 hours of intense labor before she finally arrived, all 8 pounds 5 ounces of her, straight from heaven. Of course I cried tears of joy, and probably exhaustion. I was just so glad to finally have our little baby here with her perfect ten fingers and perfect ten toes.
Throughout my pregnancy I was amazed each day at the miracle going on inside me. I suddenly had this feeling that not only was my baby growing and becoming an entire human being one cell at a time, but that I was becoming something new myself. Something that was somehow more special, more holy. While reading a book the other day to my sweet baby that I was given as a shower gift, Errand of Angels, I found a quote that explains my sentiments.
"She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions
deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind. But she who would
willingly and anxiously rear successfully a family of beautiful healthy sons and daughters
whose lives reflect the teachings of the gospel, deserves the highest honors that man can give,
and the choicest blessings of God. In fact, her high duty and service to humanity, endowing
with mortality eternal spirits, she is a co-partner with the Great Creator Himself. "
-David O. Mckay
The last line is really what struck me - I felt like a co-partner with God. I know that's a lofty place to put myself, and I in no way want to imply I am on the same level as Diety. It's just that I felt while I was becoming a mother I was also becoming so much more, somehow even godly. As I've spent the last 6 weeks caring for my precious angel, I've felt more like I'm remembering how to be a mom rather than learning for the first time. This may sound strange to most people. No, I don't think I was a mother in another life who's now been reincarnated. I guess I just feel that the drive to be a mother and love my daughter nearly to the point of smothering has been part of who I am all along and I'm just now growing into it. It's more than just maternal instinct. I feel God has instilled this within me and given me all the godly characteristics needed to be a mother. Because I think the characteristics of a mother, those of patience, compassion, caring and selflessness, and most notably love, are all godlike.
I may not be perfect and need to continually grow into this role. My baby makes me want to be a better wife, friend, and neighbor; I feel like I owe it to her. She deserves the best mom - butnot just someone who makes great chocolate chip cookies and has snacks ready everyday after school, or drives her around from musical lessons to sport events. There are enough women in the world who are beautiful, smart, sophisticated, successful. I want to be all those too, but more than that I want to fulfill my eternal potential and role as a mother.
Liberty is beautiful and precious and as I stare at her tiny perfect features, I see her daddy so much. The eyes especially. I'm there too, and even a hint of both grandmas is apparent. She sleeps in my arms with all the hope and potential the world can offer. And then I see it, a glimmer of godliness and holiness all her own. Did she bring it with her from Heaven? After all, she came from the presence of God and his angels. Or perhaps, did she inherit some of that from me? The seeds of what I am now becoming have been passed down from God to all the mothers in the world and are planted in the hearts of our daughters. As I think this, I can't help but cry tears of joy.
Original Writing: September 12, 2013
